Channel surfing Thursday night, I came upon a Pac-12 basketball game between Stanford and Colorado in Boulder.
I put down the remote when I heard Bill Walton’s voice in hopes of learning that his lack of focus during the recent broadcast in Austin, Texas, could be attributed to him not knowing anything about the Big 12.
I hoped to learn that when calling Pac-12 games he would flash the entertaining and informative basketball insight he brought in the early stages of his broadcasting career.
I tuned in with 2:53 remaining in a game Colorado would win, 91-72, and tuned out with 23 seconds left.
During that 2:30 of game clock, here is a sampling of what I heard Walton discuss with his sidekicks:
“Did you ever see Pele’ play soccer? It was so spectacular. After every game, he would rip his jersey off and throw it into the crowd.”
Partner Dave Pasch: “Kind of like you on Saturday in Austin. Was he a Dead Head when he played?”
Walton: “Pele’? I’m not sure. The Grateful Dead have not gone to South America to play. They went on to Europe a few times.”
Then Walton expressed a regret about his broadcast in Austin, or was it Mars?
“They have played in Austin,” Walton said. “I didn’t get to mention that.”
Darn!
Perhaps feeling himself drifting and maybe even mindful of criticism that he should talk about the game he’s calling every now and then, Walton reversed course with, “What a game we have here tonight. Wow!”
The score at that point was Colorado 90, Stanford 69 with 2:19 left. What a game, indeed!
The conversation quickly shifted to the Oscars.
“I love Jimmy Kimmel,” Walton said. “That guy’s brilliant. I’ve done stuff with Jimmy before. He’s awesome. He’s so smart and so quick. I just love him. I want to thank all the guys like Jimmy, like Trevor Noah, like Seth Meyers, like Stephen Colbert. Oh my gosh!”
Walton mentioned the “Price Waterhouse guy,” ultimately blamed for the mistaken announcement of the wrong best-film winner, a gaffe originally blamed on Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway.
“Warren and Faye, I know those people and they’re fantastic,” Walton shared.
By this time someone from the ESPN studio named “Ad Man,” I think, had joined them in the conversation.
“Was Jack Nicholson there?” Walton wondered and was informed by Ad Man that he was not.
More talk about Walton removing his shirt in Austin five days earlier and then Walton mentioned the Stanford-Colorado game, but only briefly and not in any specific way.
“Stanford is not going to win this game,” Walton said, then said goodbye to Ad Man and gave him a quick instruction. “Say hi to Warren and Faye and Jack and all those guys.”
After Walton established that Stanford was not going to win the game, he praised Stanford doing something more important than winning a basketball game.
“Stanford has released a free software program that allows all these companies around the world to identify, because of the fossil-fuel drilling, identify where they’re going to have earthquakes before they happen because of all the stuff they take out and all the stuff they put back in,” Walton said. “Thank you Stanford. Sustainability.”
We soon learned that Walton’s wife’s name is Lori, that the mortgage of the home he has lived in for 38 years is paid off, that the gym in the home had been redone for free as part of a, “TV makeover show, whatever it’s called,” and that Lori had given “permission to the guy, Brian Molloy,” to redo the gym.
I kept listening, wondering why so much time had passed without Walton mentioning John Wooden. Didn’t have to wait much longer. Walton mentioned that this was his last game of the year with Pasch and that he wanted to tell him the same thing he told Wooden, “Coach, thank you, I love you and I’m sorry for ruining your life.”
Did you hear that? Consider yourselves lucky, Jayhawk fans. Bill Walton did not ruin your lives, just two hours of your lives last Saturday evening when he took you on that long, strange trip.
My exposure to Walton lasted two-and-a-half minutes of game clock Thursday, making it a short, strange trip during which he did not mention a single name of a player and did not say anything remotely related to basketball, other than, “What a game we have here tonight. Wow!”
Wow! Can’t think of a better word than “Wow!” to capture that small window of my life spent Thursday night listening to Bill Walton.
