Rough Times For Ol’ Mizzou

By Staff     Nov 23, 2004

These days, it doesn’t matter what you call it. Border War, Border Showdown, The Paige Laurie Plagiarism Classic call it whatever you want. These days, there’s one concrete fact about KU’s annual battle with its slave state neighbors. The Jayhawks own Missouri. Over the past three years, Kansas has owned Missouri like Satan owns [Ron Artest.][1] And here’s the problem, Tiger fans. It might just get worse. On Saturday, the Jayhawks administered what is just the latest in a long series of setbacks for Quantrill/Tiger fans. That’s when KU with nothing to play for but pride headed into Columbia, took a 28-0 lead into the fourth quarter, and dusted Mizzou 31-14. Kudos to Mark Mangino for having his team ready to play, despite a list of injuries longer than [Scott Peterson’s potential jail term.][2] And kudos to Gary Pinkel for screwing this season up so royally and on so many levels that no other university will consider him for a job, thus ensuring mediocrity at ol’ Mizzou for years to come. Yes, these are great times to be a Jayhawk fan but it wasn’t always like this. In fact, throughout most of my college career, KU lost to Missouri. A lot. My introduction to the Border War came in 1998, when Terry Allen’s team was blown out in Columbia 41-23, and the KU band was belted by whiskey bottles (presumably [Old Crow,][3] the Missouri liquor of choice) at halftime. I also watched KU losses in Norm Stewart’s final visit to Allen Fieldhouse, along with a 22-point loss in January of 2000, when chucker extraordinaire Clarence Gilbert tossed in seven three pointers. But then, on one night in January of 2003, the Border War balance of power shifted to Kansas, and it has yet to shift back. On that night, the Tigers came into Allen Fieldhouse ranked 22nd in the nation. Missouri trailed by just one at halftime, but was outscored 62-31 in the second half, and fell 105-73. This game also featured the high point of Border War comedy, when current Denver Nugget Arthur Johnson clanged a wide open dunk attempt off the front of the rim, and splatted against the Fieldhouse floor, like an egg against pavement. That night started the salad days for Kansas fans. Since that game, the Jayhawks have won five of six meetings on the basketball court, including the final game ever in the Hearnes Center last March. And that’s just on the court. I won’t even touch on Quin Snyder’s off the court problems, which just got worse this week at the newly-named [Paige Sports Arena.][4] On the football field, Mangino now has two wins in a row over his overrated rivals, including the latest with his fourth-string quarterback and backup running back. My [overbearing boss][5] asked me this week if this is the best time in Border War history to be a Kansas fan. The answer, of course, is an overwhelming “yes.” Even if we can’t agree on what to call the rivalry any more.**Grilled Cheese Update:** ![][6]After having the auction cancelled numerous times thanks to ridiculous bids, the [Virgin Mary grilled cheese][7] has been sold for $28,000. But here’s the weird part — the winning bid is legit. An online casino bought the [overhyped bread][8] and plans to sell it off for charity. In a related story, I have a bologna sandwich with Al Bohl’s face on it — if, you know, anybody is interested in making a deal.**The Final Pick Standings:** The football picks are finished and I beat Kevin Romary by one game! Both of our records are sadly mediocre (I finished 24-28, Big Tex finished 23-29), mostly due to the inexact nature of high school football. Killing brain cells with alcohol certainly doesn’t help, either. Kevin did, however, beat me on upset specials, two to one. He predicted a K-State win over Missouri, and also a Wildcat loss to Iowa State. I correctly chose the Tigers to lose to Troy University, which lost four of its next five games. [1]: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1929822 [2]: http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/11/23/peterson.case/index.html [3]: http://www.rateitall.com/i-7264-old-crow.aspx [4]: http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/stories.nsf/mizzou/story/876CB4B88BE2A9F986256F52001C199F?OpenDocument&Headline=Lauries’+daughter+paid+roommate+to+do+classwork,+TV+report+s [5]: http://www.6newslawrence.com/staff/kevin_romary/ [6]: http://kron.static.worldnow.com/images/2606027_BG1.jpg [7]: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5535890757 [8]: http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_np=0&u_pg=57&u_sid=1266542

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