Here is a personal tribute from former KU basketball player James-Micheal Marshall to Darnelle Manning, the mother of Danny Manning, who has shown great hospitality to Marshall this past semester of school:
MY WISH
I want my flowers before I die,
Hell I can see them when I dead,
Nor can I smell ’em.
Don’t cry for me when I dead, if you can’t cry with me
When I am live.
Don’t come to my funeral if you never stood by
My side in my time of need.
JMM May 10, 2007
SOME THINGS ONLY A MOTHER CAN GET YOU THROUGH
After 20-year detour, I will walk down the hill and graduate from the The Unviersity of Kansas, my first attempt was in 1987 but I had a chance of lifetime to play pro ball in Europe, so I had to take it. I told my mother and father I would finish up later. Later never came. I might not be here if where not for that phone call I received at 4 in the morning on July 17, 006. My cell phone is programmed to turn off at 11 p.m. and it turns itself on 7 a.m., Holly (my girlfriend of nearly a decade) always asks why I do I have my phone to turn off after 11 p.m. Each time she asked I replied there are no good calls at that happen at 4 in the morning. She didn’t really get the point until that morning. That morning the phone rang at 4 a.m., a half-a-sleep Holly slowly rolled over and answered the phone. I heard her say “hello”; a long pause and she said, “He’s right here”. Now my heart stops because earlier that day (July 16), before I took my helicopter lesson, I spoke to my father. I told Holly he was not sounding to good, he was in the hospital, he was supposed to start kemo on Monday. I took a deep breath and braced myself. My niece Reka was on the other end of the phone, she was very calm until she heard my voice than her pain flooded through the phone line, as she burst into tears all she said was grand daddy. It was the way she said it you knew that he had died, she went on to tell me, they don’t’ know why. He was fine he was supposed to start kemo, but he just died. I was trying to calm my niece down, because I didn’t want to lose it on the phone. I had to be the man my father raised me to be. She told me her mother: Lorraine, my oldest sister, would call me back. After I put down the phone, I begin to weep like no other time because my body had no memory of pain this deep. Holly didn’t have to ask, she just held me in her arms, for she knew I had joined the D.F.C. (dead father club). I didn’t get out bed until one or two that after noon. Holly said you’re right there are no good calls that come at 4 in the morning.
When I took my helicopter lesson on July 16, 2006 (some 12 hours before my father died), I was in Los Angeles, CA, and my father was in Louisville Kentucky. That flight I was in some of the worst turbulence you could be in. The smaller the aircraft the worse the turbulence. In a helicopter its worse than on a roller coaster, my instructor (who is a stunt pilot) looks over to me and says if you can fly a chopper in these conditions you fly a chopper in anything. I would come to rely on those words a lot in the last year, because that day (July 17) I was in worst turbulence of my life, while being grounded.
I promised my father I would finish school, so I decided to really do it after his funeral. I started applying and do all the groundwork. I called Darnelle Manning and told her I was going back to school, this was in August. I asked her if could stay with her for a week or so until I could find a place, if I got back in to KU, and she said sure baby. I had this amazing KU Adviser: Angie Claussen, she was truly my road map; guided me, may feel comfortable in the during the whole process, and dealt with all the right people to get me into the spring semester. I remember in November, when I filled out the applications, she said all we have to do is wait, she was so positive she was sure it would be OK. I called Ms. Manning back and she said, “it’ll be all right, just let me know”. One December morning I receive a letter from KU’s administration office. Now when you first go to college, and your acceptance letter arrives, its usually thick, because they have all kinds of information they feel you need immediately, but this letter was thin. I was thinking man, I didn’t’ get in, now I have to call Ms. Manning back and Angie back, who work so hard, that I didn’t get in. I open the letter all I remember was seeing something about 2007 I was in and I was happy. I called Angie to tell her I got in, than I called Ms. Manning. She asked me when I would be coming and I told her the weekend before MLK day.
I drove out from LA so I could have a car here. I got tired and I had to sleep, so I missed my sign in day, Angie was worried about me getting into classes so she told me to go and stand outside of my Professors’ doors to ask could I get in to their classes. Long story short, I had to beg to get into a few. Each night I would go to Ms. Manning house telling her my woes, what I had to do. I was calling people on the phone looking at places to live. Lawrence had grown in 20 years. It was so cold; things seem bigger in the cold because you don’t want to be outside for long time. In Los Angeles, 10 blocks seems short, but in Lawrence in January 10 blocks seems like a LA to Vegas road trip. I have never used my heated seats until I came here. I had to turn them on before I got into the car in Lawrence. My heat didn’t know what to do because it was from southern California, heat was a team in the NBA; it wasn’t need in your car.
I was trying to find an house or apartment to rent and I would tell Ms. Manning how all the people wanted me to rent their apartment for 12 months and all the sublet wanted 6 months. I was getting frustrated because I had to get into classes, do work, and teach preschool everyday, (with 4 & 5 year-olds and try and find somewhere to live. In Lawrence if it didn’t have a garage to fit my truck into that was a deal breaker because Mrs. Manning had a garage it made a difference. People in LA have garages but they are only to ad value to your house or storage, it usually colder in the garage than outside.
As I was going through this, Ms. Manning was making my Breakfast, packing my lunch. I was like, man this is great; don’t know what I would do. She was always asking why do I want to live with people I don’t know. Are you going to buy furniture and dishes? She could see this added more stress because how was going to fit all this in my life and still go home twice a month to my family. Well one day, she comes to me and tells me I should just stay with her since it was only going to be until May, because it doesn’t make any sense for you to pay for something you don’t need after you graduate. She gave her ground rule and I said OK. When she told me that, it felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. I don’t know if not for Ms. Manning, if I would be walking down the hill. She has gotten me through my hard time in coming back. I am 45 not 25 and I had to go to classes where I was older than some of my professors, at Educare (where I teach) my supervisor could be my son and all of the girls are younger than my oldest son. I would come home and moan about trying to fit ever thing in and make it all work. Ms. Manning would always tell me a story about what happened to her that was similar than would give me a pointer how she got through it. She went to Jackson State, to become a teacher, she taught in a few places over the years, so she has a lot of experience. She would wake me up every morning to make sure I would be on time. In the winter she made hot tea so I wouldn’t get sick. When I was sick she made soup and nursed me back to health. The thing she did the most for me is she let me mourn, my fathers death. That has been the most therapeutic thing that has happened since I have been here. She has helped me through the process; only a woman who could truly mother could do this. She is not birth mother but she is like a mother to me, or that aunt you wished you had. Someone told Ms. Manning that she should take in a foster child, she told them, she had 45-year-old foster child. That made me laugh. But let me tell you this, if the foster care system had people half as good as Ms. Manning, we would have less jails and problems with the children that come out of it.
Many of you know her son, Danny Manning, well he got his height from his father, Ed, who had a lot to do with his basketball skills, and many things that makes him a wonderful person off the court. The reason you never read about Danny Manning doing something stupid like mean of the modern day sports stars that we read about in papers, is because of his mother. She raised him right. She raised him to care and have compassion for other people and be honest at all cost. She did most of this with out saying a word, that’s how she lives each day. She let me know when I had done something wrong, she didn’t beat me over the head, she say in her sweet voice Michael, she calls me Michael, I don’t know if I told you this, but just in case I didn’t, this is what I would like you do in this situation.
When Holly came to town, she told Ms. Manning she was ruining me and that when I came home I would have to get a reality check. My nephew came out to play here last weekend, in the Jay Hawk Invitational. He is 14 years old and 6 ft 4 (he looks older but he a boy.) He stayed at Ms. Manning’s. In four days she had it were he didn’t want to go home. My nephew has never met a meal he didn’t like, or turned down on, he can eat. He would stay with Ms. Manning when I had to go out to do things. What they talked about I don’t know, but she always talks about it could for kids to have adults to talk too and my nephew like talking to her. When he went to get her a thank you card and gift. We where looking at thank you cards, I found one and gave it to him. I said “this is a good one”, he looks at me and says, “I don’t’ want o give her that one, she would know its not from me, I want to give her one that she would know was from me.’ In four days, she touched my 14-year-old nephew so much; got to know him so well, she could tell who pick out the card. He picked out the flowers, it was raining he said lets not get these wet ones outside. He wanted to get her nice dry ones.
One of my professors from my earlier tenure, is still at KU, he has a special needs child and that if was not for Ms. Manning working with his child at his school, he and wife would not know what to do, that Ms. Manning is heaven sent. The things that she does, he way that she deals with children that are not hers, you can’t get that from a book, you can’t teach it, it’s like her son’s basketball talent, you can’t teach some things.
This leads me to my point which is something Ms. Manning and I talked about, which is every woman that has child is not a mother. That some women were great mother who never carried a child (conceived). She said her mother, would tell her this as my mother had said this also (a southern saying). She didn’t understand this for the longest time.
Darnelle Manning is a real mother of the universe, she is rare but if you ran across her and really got to know her, you realize how blessed you are. I started this story by letting you know some things about her, hoping you would get the idea, but know for those who didn’t, I will finish the article by hammering it home. The reason she is mother of the universe is that, there are no limits to her talents. She always does what’s best for the child. Weather its my child (who graduated from Creighton University last year) that I had when I was in college the first time, she helped me out with him, made sure he was clean, and watched him when I had go places that it was not appropriate to bring him. He never cried with I dropped him off, only when I took him away. She will make sure that any child in her realm will be mistreated or hungry. Because she can cook and has shared food with many children including all my teammates when I first attended KU, that couldn’t get home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter, unlike many of the other coaches or boosters, her food was never catered, it was fixed with love, that what made it extra special. You felt you had to attend that other coaches’ and boosters’ houses (my teams would be uncomfortable because the people were artificial and uptight) when you were invited, but Ms. Manning’s house you always want to go. You knew you could be yourself and all children just want to be their self. She never made it about her; she always made it about you (the child). She always asks about my brothers (who she met) every time, that I called her in the past as well as my other family members that she has never meet but heard me talk about. When I tell my brothers, former teammates and coaches from KU, found out I was staying with her, they all would tell me to tell her hello. I have talked to few of them while I have been back this semester, I would hand my cell phone to Ms. Manning, they would want to say hi to her, and they would carry on conversation with her and forget that I called them. That’s because they remember those who touched them. Ms. Manning has feed more children and touched more children lives than her own.
It’s hard for Ms. Manning (after watching the news or reading the paper) to believe how some woman treat their babies, the things they do. I have to remind Ms. Manning that everybody is not like you. You see Ms. Manning won’t go into every neighborhood, matter of fact its hard for her to leave the house, most people don’t even know that she lives in Lawrence, sorry I blew that one, but I just how to tell the give her flowers while she was living. Many times we wait until it’s too late and sometimes it’s easier to write about it. The bottom line is that if was not for you Ms. Manning I would have never gotten through this year, I would of never graduated, and that would of let my father down, and you was not going to let that happen. She doesn’t make me breakfast, fix my lunch and dinner because she has too, she does that because that who she is, and she knows that what I need right now. She knows how to raise boys in to men, and little girls into women. She knows sometimes boys come home to get themselves together. I am not the first that she did this for, and probably won’t be the last. When I was sick, she was the doctor I need, when I had to cry about my father she was shoulder to lean on, when I was trying to figure out my classroom stuff, she was my advisor. When I needed instructions on life, or felt overwhelmed, she told me a story about how she went through a similar things in these lessons I would receive the right ingredients that propel me through my dilemma. She knows how to push me when I need it, and when to pull back. She gives me my space and when I need company. I have grown a lot this year, like her plants that she keeps a-live, she knows when they need water and she knows when you water for your soul. I said all of this and wrote all of this to say thank you Ms. Manning and I love you very much, and with out you I would of never been able to do the thing that I came here to do. If my father were here, he would say thanks for keeping my boy on track.
Dreams that you’ve enabled children to achieve
Amazing care you have given your children and other over the years
Resilient way that you have lead your life
Nicest mother and grandmother that anyone could ever wish for
Exceptional human being that you are
Love that you share with those around you.
Lives that you have touched
Enthusiastic energy and support, you have given your family and friends
JMM May 10, 2007
