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Add "except with Kansas football" at end of your fortune cookie

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A Kansas fan looks through the game program during the fourth quarter from the top of the stands on Saturday, Oct. 7, 2017 at Memorial Stadium.

A Kansas fan looks through the game program during the fourth quarter from the top of the stands on Saturday, Oct. 7, 2017 at Memorial Stadium. by Nick Krug

There is a website for everything. For example, fortunecookiemessage.com exists. I recommend it for those stressed out by the inability of Kansas to field a competitive football program.

Read the fortune-cookie messages and then add “except with Kansas football,” at the end.

Here goes: “A friend asks you only for your time, not your money, except with Kansas football.”

And: “Your high-minded principles spell success, except with Kansas football.”

Or: “A dream you have will come true, except with Kansas football.”

Plus: “A new voyage will fill your life with untold memories, except with Kansas football.”

And then there is this cruel fortune: “A short stranger will soon enter your life with blessings to share, except with Kansas football.” Oh, he did all right, for four years and then he went back to Austin and took all that good karma with him.

“It’s better to be alone sometimes, except with Kansas football.” Tell that to the guy sitting alone at the top of the stadium.

And: “You will conquer obstacles to achieve success, except with Kansas football.”

This one fits too: “Happiness is an activity, except with Kansas football.”

Plus: “The only certainty is that nothing is certain, except with Kansas football.”

Another: “Failure is the mother of all success, except with Kansas football.”

True: “A new wardrobe brings great joy and change to your life, except with Kansas football.”

Perfect: “You will make many changes before settling down happily, except with Kansas football.”

Pluperfect: “A lifetime of happiness is in store for you, except with Kansas football.” Try it at the end of your next meal at a Chinese restaurant.

Comments

John Fitzgerald 2 months ago

Not sure I've ever seen the KU Sports staff this frustrated with KU Football. Next conference with Beaty you guys should all ask him the same question with different wording until he gets ticked off. And when he does, say "That anger you have? That's how you win football games. You're welcome." That's one thing I've yet to see in this Beaty era is him getting ticked off.

The wise man is the one that makes you think he is dumb, except with KU Football.

Patrick Bryant 2 months ago

Social media being mean-spirited yet again. Come on, how can you kick a guy like Beaty when he's down? Do you watch Hawk Talk? This guy desires our FULL support! NOW!

John Fitzgerald 2 months ago

Ever hear the phrase "to get respect you have to #earnit"? Well, if you haven't found out already Beaty runs off the #earnit mantra, and I'd say he needs to earn the support before he starts begging for it.

Joe Joseph 2 months ago

What ends on hope does not end at all, except with Kansas football.

Waylon Cook 2 months ago

I am usually not a Keegan fan but him putting pressure on this joke of an administration is what needed to be done.

earnit, except with Kansas football

Bryan Mohr 2 months ago

Every exit is an entrance to new experiences, except with KU football

Bryce Landon 2 months ago

That one isn't true. If you exit Memorial Stadium, there's lots of new experiences you can have, like shopping in Downtown Lawrence, or fishing at Douglas County Lake, or doing what I'll be doing this Saturday and attending a Columbus Day parade.

Brad Sherp 2 months ago

First one out of the gate:

You will soon emerge victorious from the maze you've been traveling in, except with KU Football.

Chandler Accipiter 2 months ago

"Many folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be, except for Kansas football."

"The Wheel of Good Fortune is finally turning in your direction! Except for Kansas football."

"A thrilling time is in store for you, except for Kansas football."

And we'll end this on a truly sad note: "You will be successful in love, except for Kansas football."

Brett McCabe 2 months ago

Let's say you were going to build your dream house. Who would you hire to design it?

First, you interview an architect who was fired from his previous firm, worked one year for another firm, then one year for another firm but was very convincing in his interview. This architect also heavily favored the classic, traditional designs of homes that you typically see featured on Sunday home tours.

So, in spite of the fact that this architect had never succeeded on his own and had jumped around quite a bit the last few years. You hire him. Most of your friends are surprised, and not surprisingly, he designs for you a pile of crap, takes all your money and leaves you with a home that isn't completed and is sitting on a shaky foundation.

Enough of that, you say. So to fix all of the problems caused by the previous architect, you decide to not hire an architect at all but, instead, an apprentice. This apprentice - a great guy and also very convincing in his interview - has never designed a house, certainly has never rebuilt a a house that is in a shambles and he also wants to take your classic house, completely change the style and turn it into a modern-style that is all the rage in the south. Your friends are surprised, but you hire this apprentice anyway. Awhile later, your house shows no signs of being completed but the apprentice insists that he be paid more money or he won't be able to finish your new, modern home.

Now, some would look at you and say: you shouldn't hire architects. Others would say: it's because you don't give the architects enough time. But your smart friends all say the same thing: hire the right architect, and your house will be completed.

The Marx Brothers once quoted Confuscious by saying: A wise man does not walk outside in the hot son with butter on his head. Perhaps Kansas football could remove the butter, quit walking outside in the hot son, and go get a professional architect.

Michael Leiker 2 months ago

Wow, Tom, this is awesome. Haven't laughed this hard in a while.

Michael Leiker 2 months ago

Did you go to Costco or something and get the bulk pack and sift through for these or were these the first you got at Jade?

Michael Leiker 2 months ago

Sorry, I just read the first part of the article...

John Brazelton 2 months ago

Tom, you are really reaching hard to find some reason to trash the KU football program. Please remember, if you piss the wrong people off (KU supporters with money), you might find yourself in the Lawrence Journal World's general manager's office picking up your walking papers. Karma is a bitch!

Brett McCabe 2 months ago

It's not that hard. Facts sometimes suck. We have a head coach who is 3-26 coming off a bye-week loss of 65-19. If you want to write the column on how this program is moving forward, I'd be interested in reading it.

Or, like Brian Wilson, you could count up the number of JUCO players and say that they shouldn't count towards our scholarship total. Just ask Cam Newton, Legarratte Blount and Keyhonn Johnson, they all sucked.

Sometimes I think, there must have been a few guys running around the deck of the Titanic screaming: "It's unsinkable. Just give it time!"

Brett McCabe 2 months ago

Also, kudos to the dude in the picture. Jersey on, cap on, program out, hard-to-find-seat secured. I wish I knew that guy. I'd be interested in his opinion of how anyone could do a worse job building a football program.

John Fitzgerald 2 months ago

Don't be mad at Tom because you're dumb enough to donate to a failing program.

Mike Gant 2 months ago

Hmm... if the press isn't willing to ignore the facts and blindly praise our failing programs and leadership, then we should make vague threats online about silencing them completely.

Someone's been taking notes from the Trump playbook!

Bryce Landon 2 months ago

In human endeavor, chance favors the prepared mind - except with Kansas football.

Jim Stauffer 2 months ago

While I am as unhappy with the program as anyone else, this article and the comments are very extreme. Brett's long comments make the most sense. However, it should be noted that the amateur hired to take over for the failed architect is in the process of at least laying the foundation. Now that may be all he gets done before impatience demands his replacement. But his replacement will start a job with less to do to reach completion than the amateur had facing him.

Layne Pierce 1 month, 3 weeks ago

We are now my fellow jayhawks, on the horns of a dilemma. To fire, or not to fire, that is the question. Fact is I have heard a lot of talk about the win-loss record, but my concern is not that simple, it is the fact that we are not even more competitive. In fact we may be less competitive this year. If we lost everygame this year, but we were competing in the majority of games, I would say, even that was progress, but the sad fact is we are not.

Look at the players who have been under Coach Beatty for a 3rd year, which ones have improved the most. Armstrong?, Stanley?, who would you point to, Daniel Wise?

I would absolutely say that recruiting has improved, but if players aren;t properly utilized, and or developed, then what can recruiting really achieve?

What about a winning attitude on the part of our players, has that improved?

I don;t have the answer to all these questions, but they need to be asked?

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