On Saturday afternoons, particularly ones that feature a pair of compelling games airing simultaneously, some guys have all the luck. Those lucky guys wear long brown robes and meditate when they aren't watching football under ideal circumstances, which of course, means in silence.
Monks don't have to worry about missing the official's explanation of why the play stands as called on the field because they are surrounded by other monks who have taken the vow of silence.
When it comes to watching ballgames on television, here's a good practice for everyone to follow: Impersonate a monk for three hours. If you need to dress the part to remind yourself, then so be it.
For some strange reason, so many blabbers think it's OK to start conversations in the middle of plays. It's not. It's rude. So don't do it. Especially this Saturday, when Kansas University and Kansas State play for state supremacy on one channel the same time as No. 1 Ohio State and No. 2 Michigan play for national bragging rights.
A quick brush-up on the school colors is in order.
Kansas: Crimson and blue.
Kansas State: Royal purple and white, though silver sometimes takes the place of white.
Michigan: Maize and blue.
Ohio State: Scarlet and gray.
The lack of outrage over obsessive talkers ruining the viewing experience is downright disturbing. Maybe it's been going on so long it's become socially acceptable. Does this mean that 20 years from now it won't be considered rude to jabber on a cell phone at a movie theater? Let's hope not, but don't say you haven't been warned. Sit back and do nothing and that's where it's headed.
A friendly - OK, grumpy - suggestion for viewing parties for Saturday's games: Label one room the "Fun Room," where talking is allowed. Identify the room with the high definition TV set as the "Grumps Only Room." Pass out long, brown robes at the entrance.
KU coach Mark Mangino and his assistants will watch every play of the K-State upset victory against Texas many times before Saturday's 2:30 p.m. kickoff. Still, surely he watched it live in silence, right?
"I was at home," Mangino said. "It's hard. Family's there. We're having fun. You're trying to focus on the game a little bit to see what's going on, and you do. You watch it, but the phone's ringing, people going in and out, but it's nice to be home. I enjoyed it. I watched the game as best I could."
Even a coach deals with such distractions?
"Yeah, isn't that something?" Mangino said. "My house is just like everybody else's house."
While watching, Mangino couldn't help but flash back to the near miss of two seasons ago against Texas.
"Yeah, there was a guy missing though," Mangino said. "Vince Young. They were a guy short."
Jerome Kemp said he watched the game with his girlfriend, a native of Ellsworth.
"She's a big Kansas State fan," Kemp said.
Surely, she'll be rooting against K-State for a change this Saturday.
"She better," Kemp said.
Remember, if you go to the game, be loud and be proud. If you stay at home, be quiet and be considerate.